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Using Music to Draw Out Romance

“I love you; you love me; we’re a happy family ….” Do you remember that song from childhood? You may even recognize it as the popular song Barney sings. Through music we explore and learn about myths, ideals, and the parameters of love.

With each year, our understanding of what we hear and feel in music deepens, especially as we begin to experience love. We hear thoughts similar to ours being sung on the radio. We listen with curiosity and hope of happy endings or perhaps guidance to help us. We learn that music intensifies our feelings, triggers emotions, and binds memories forever to songs that are associated with our love lives. We learn that music is our friend and our teacher. Because of this, music has attained a central importance in the world of romance and romantic relationships.

Musical Inspiration
Music can inspire or influence romance in so many ways. It’s hard for music not to inspire; it stirs the emotions when singers sing about love’s emotional extremes. When you hear a song that says, “I’m in the mood for love simply because you’re near me,” it’s hard to resist having an emotional reaction to what you hear. Music facilitates romance between you and your partner by moving both the intellect and emotions.

Music: A Course in Love
Now that you know how music can naturally foster romance, the following tips will help you to use music in your own relationship to increase romance between you and your partner:

  • If you are out and about doing something with your partner and you hear your partner say, “Wow, I love that song,” don’t just let the moment pass. Find out what the song is and buy it. Add it to your romantic collection.
  • If you attend a Broadway show or a romantic film that moves you emotionally, buy the soundtrack. This way, you’ll be able to bring back the intense emotions you experienced again and again with your partner.
  • Jump at the chance to dance together when music moves you.
  • Going to concerts-especially by singers well known for romantic ballads-can put you in the middle of emotional moments that are bigger than life.
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The Kiss Goodnight

Whether you are married or single, before a date ends, be sure to tell your date that you are looking forward to kissing him or her on the front doorstep. By telling your partner this, it will make him or her excitedly look forward to what kind of kiss you are going to deliver. More than anything, your partner will think it’s very romantic.

For those of you who are married or living together, a kiss at the end of a date is important too. Even if you park the car in the garage, walk to the front door to say goodnight. Stand at the door the way you used to and look deep into your partner’s eyes with either your arms around him or her or holding hands. Even if you’ve been married for 30 years, looking deep into someone’s eyes can sends a chill up your spine. My Grandma Brown said she always felt this way about her husband, Grandpa Brown, and they were married 63 years and had eight children!

If you want to make your kiss goodnight extra romantic, follow these tips:

  • Hold your partner’s hand as you walk to the door.
  • Take your time getting to the kiss.
  • Let your partner know what a good time you had and that you’d like to do it again.
  • Tell your partner you’ve been looking forward to this kiss all night. Even if you’ve kissed all night, this traditional moment is romantic.
  • Caress your partner’s cheek as you look deep into your partner’s eyes in a long gaze.
  • Cup your partner’s face in both your hands and tell her how beautiful she is.
  • Slowly move in for a very long, passionate kiss.
  • For the sake of romantic drama, if you are holding a sweater, keys, or something nonbreakable, let it drop to the ground in the middle of the kiss. Your date will love this display of a loss of control.
  • Keep talking to a minimum. Let your eyes and body language talk for you.
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An Affair of the Heart, Mind, and Soul

5-Ways-to-Improve-the-Quality-of-your-RelationshipsA romantic relationship is an emotionally intimate bond between two people. Such a relationship is best when it is with someone who knows you, understands you, and accepts you. It is enhanced through talking intimately about feelings, thoughts, and needs.

Sometimes when the qualities of a romantic relationship are not met, one or both partners seek them outside the relationship in an affair. An affair can be as exhilarating as it is destructive to the relationship. When a person in a relationship feels the temptation to have an affair, it’s usually because the romance in the relationship has stopped being important. Keep this thought in the back of your mind as you search for ways to inject more romance into your relationship.

Make Your Relationship an Affair to Remember
When you think of an affair, what comes to mind? Passion? Romance? Attachment to another person? That’s exactly what an affair is; however, the downside is that it is typically associated with a limited duration, not to mention, causing a great deal of pain to your primary partner. But, what if you could extend an affair and make it an everyday and lifelong occasion with your partner? You can do it; it’s just a matter of decision.

The way to make this happen is to turn your relationship into an affair. The first step to doing this is to know just exactly what needs are met by an affair: feeling desired, being loved, feeling needed, sexual fulfillment, being understood, close friendship, intellectual stimulation, feeling complete, attachment, and being listened to.

Look over these characteristics and ask yourself which of these qualities you provide for your partner. The ideal way to use this list is to sit down with your partner and take turns putting this list in order of which characteristics you feel the strongest, down to those you feel the least.

When each of you has completed your list, compare notes with your partner to see the order you put the characteristics in. Pay special attention to the last few items because they will tell you the areas that you need to work on with your partner. The goal of this exercise is to identify the areas that are holding you back from having an affair with your partner.

You can do the same with your partner. Look at the feeling that he put on the bottom of the ranking list. Then ask him what he needs that would help him get a stronger sense of that feeling. You’ll be surprised at how this simple exercise will illuminate important feelings that your partner has been experiencing. This exercise many times reveals feelings that are new to both partners. When you are able to strengthen your weak areas, your relationship will be the love affair you always wanted.

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Fairy-Tale Relationship

shutterstock_1006059521-750x410Fairy tales have become a part of our image of what romance is supposed to be like. This image not only deceives women, but also men. One of the definitions of the term “fairy tale” in Webster’s is “a made-up story, usually designed to mislead.”

On one hand, everyone knows that fairy-tale romances are make-believe. On the other hand, fairy tales inspire us to believe in happy love stories. For this fact alone, they have given us something we need for building our own love affair: hope. Many people have lost hope, and it’s time to get it back.

Modeling Love on Fairy-Tales
Some people think that fairy tales create a false image for a real partner to live up to. The next time you read a fairy tale about a love affair, look to see the characteristics that form the foundation of these stories. What you will find are characteristics such as the following:

  • Looking for unconditional love
  • Wanting to be loved by someone
  • Seeking understanding
  • Looking to be accepted by another

These stories also show that life is happier with someone as opposed to being without someone. What they show is the humanness in having a mate. People innately gravitate to others for a sense of completeness. We are relational beings, with a need to relate to others. In a fairy tale, these themes are conveyed simply in a fantastical setting. In fact, fairy tales serve as wonderful models to use when deciding on what you want in your relationship.

Regaining a Belief in Fairy-Tales
How can we make romance just as magical as it is in the fairy tales? All you have to do is create your own love story, the greatest love story ever known. This means cherishing the one you love as though he were a prince or she were a princess. It means making your relationship a priority by including romance as one of its basic ingredients. An apple a day may keep the doctor away, but a kiss a day keeps others away.

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Getting Past Sexual Shyness

Shyness in the bedroom is common for many people, in particular women. When it’s present the result is always the same-physically relating to another person becomes difficult. If it isn’t corrected early on, the foundation of a relationship can weaken, leading to sexual frustration, arguments, cheating or worse-a broken love affair.

By it’s very character, sexual shyness acts as a barrier that keeps two people at a distance. However, it doesn’t have to. There are ways to create and build sexual closeness.

Behind the Scenes
Other than being unfamiliar with a new lover, there are two primary reasons that cause someone to experience sexual shyness: 1. Lack of skills or inexperience with lovemaking, and 2. A real or perceived bad sexual experience. Regardless of the genesis, there are four simple things that you can do to help elevate it:

Learn Where it Came from. If you can uncover when you first began to have negative thoughts and feelings toward intimate acts, you will be on the road to rebuilding your sexual self-esteem.

A good way to begin the process is to try a simple technique-make a list of all the sexually-related experience that causes you angst. Next to each incident, decide if the experience holds true today. For example, although it upset you to be called flat-chested when you were 12-years-old, now as a fully-developed woman, the insult no longer applies. With that, it’s time to let go of the damaging belief tied to the memory. The process of putting your thoughts into black and white will help to each more real and manageable. As you do this, you will begin to see a new confidence emerge.

Relaxation. The tenser you feel, the more sexual shyness you’ll experience. Prior to being intimate with your partner, find ways to relax yourself: exercise, yoga, bubble bath, a hot drink.

Skill Development. The more you practice, the more confident you will be in the bedroom. Skill development can come about in a number of ways: reading books that instruct on sexual techniques, watching movies to learn how others do “it,” visualization (imaging yourself in a sexual situation) and, of course, through actual practice with your partner.

Positive Self-Talk. Each time you catch yourself feeling shy, pay attention to what you are thinking. More than likely, it will be a negative thought that will exacerbate shyness. Stop your thought immediately and replace it with a positive statement that builds your sexual confidence.