My Fits Drove Him Away

Q: I have lived with my boyfriend for 2 ˝ years. During this time, I have experienced bouts of temper with this man—I’m the one who yells and acts like a spoiled child, not him. He is a good person, gives me everything I need and tells me he loves me at least twice a day. Sadly, he’s had enough and asked me to move out. How do I deal with the guilt, get over him and move on?

A: Your focus needs adjustment. Rather than direct your concern away from how to “get over him” or “moving on,” it needs to turn toward the reason the relationship is ending—your uncontrolled fits.

The end of this relationship will not put a stop to your behavior. Just the opposite, it will escalate with time, destroying future relationships. Because of this, you need to explore what motivates your immature expressions.

Gaining insight is one thing, but applying change to your well-oiled behavior will require you to stretch yourself—to fight the urge and go against what feels natural. People’s behaviors, both good and bad, are learned. And...what is learned can be unlearned.

by Nancy Fagan, M.S.


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