No two
people showed their love more than Jim and Della in the story of
The Gift of the Magi by O. Henry. If you don't remember the story,
it was about a poor couple at Christmas. The only two possessions of
value in their home were Della's long, beautiful hair and Jim's watch
that had once been his grandfather's. As the story goes, Della sells
her hair to buy Jim a chain for his watch, and Jim sells his watch to
buy Della combs for her hair. This story is about giving for the sake
of love, even if you have to sacrifice the one thing you treasure the
most.
The Gift
of the Magi illustrates what this article is about: romantic gestures.
A romantic gesture is a physical way to show your partner you care.
The important aspect of the gesture isn't its grandness or cost. The
intent behind the gesture is the true present. Romance boils down to
making the extra effort, even when you think you don't have the time
or the energy to show your love. This is especially true when children
are added to your love life.
To make it
a successful transition, all you need to do is learn a few final
points about how to keep your romance alive by paying attention to the
little things. Everyday gestures of love show your partner how much
you appreciate him or her-as a partner, in addition to being a
parent-and demonstrate that the relationship is a top priority. When
you learn how to protect your investment in your relationship, you and
your partner will bask in the rewards of a romantic life together.
Make Your Partner a Part of Your Life One day over lunch, Bridget told her friend that she felt as
though she and her husband of 12 years were just strangers living
together under the same roof. They got along like two roommates, or
co-parents, without any problems, but something was missing. Bridget
reminisced about how close she and her husband had once been and had
no idea when things changed. She missed the closeness and had no idea
how to get it back. Her friend sympathized with her because she felt
the same way about her husband, too.
These two
women share a very common problem in long-term relationships.
Fortunately, this problem is easily fixed: Just remember to make your
partner a part of your life.
When a
relationship passes the honeymoon stage and into the comfortable
stage, people often stop sharing things with their partners. This
tendency is a normal process of growing closer. People just get busy
in their normal routine and don't take the time to share like they did
early in their relationship. The remedy is to devote a certain time
every day to share the highs, lows, passions, frustrations, memories,
hopes, and everything else you go through every day. Keeping the lines
of communication open will keep the romance burning bright in your
relationship, and that's the key to feeling close to your partner.
Talk Time Knowing someone takes a lifetime, so you need to keep the lines of
intimate conversation going. These important conversations will
prevent the two of you from ever feeling like strangers living
together.
Encourage
these conversations by reserving nightly time together before you fall
asleep to have talk time. You don't have to verbally arrange a time to
talk-it's better to keep it casual by creating a habit of talking each
night. Talk time isn't a time for serious discussions or conversation
about the children; it's more a time for relaxed, fun conversation to
get to know each other better. The following are some good questions
for you to ask your partner at talk time:
Tell me
about your favorite pet when you were a child.
Who has
been your best friend the longest?
What's a
holiday tradition that you like/dislike?
When you
are old, what will be the highlight of your life?
If you
could be the creator of any invention throughout time, what would it
be?
Tell me
about your first day in high school.
What are
your favorite smells of each season?
Keeping Life Balanced In most couples today, both people have careers. Dual-career
couples often experience an increase in relationship stress and a
decrease in the amount of time they have for each other. As long as
the relationship is well-organized, and nothing unexpected comes up,
work and relationships run smoothly. However, life usually doesn't
work that way.
Couples
must keep their lives in balance. If they don't, their relationships
will suffer. You won't fall out of love just because you're a
workaholic. But continually putting your other responsibilities ahead
of your relationship means that you and your partner will pay in terms
of emotional neglect for each other's needs. Get a sitter if you need
some time alone. Take a sick day to put your relationship back in good
health. Do what's necessary to balance the needs of your life with the
needs of your relationship.
Making Your Dreams Come True Too often obligations in life keep you from maintaining the
closeness you originally sought in your relationship. You can combat
this by focusing on sharing your life with your partner.
Real
romance isn't about flowers and candy, it's about daily expressions of
love. It's about your commitment to your partner and the actions that
prove your commitment. Expressing love is not about the big things you
do for your mate, but the small things. These little gestures make
your partner feel appreciated, cared for, and special. For those times
when you don't feel up to giving, just remember that it's hard to have
a vibrant, growing relationship with someone when you are more deeply
committed to something else.
Even if
you aren't comfortable expressing your love, you still need to do it.
Be realistic; it's all right if you start out slow. The point is to
start. In a great country song called "Me Too," a husband struggles to
tell his wife he loves her, but he can only manage to say, "Me too."
Of course, she urges him to say, "I love you," but he can't. To
reassure her, he talks about all the things he does to say "I love
you," but she misses all of them.
Let this
song be a reminder that sometimes your partner may be trying his best
to show you he loves you. Sadly, some people find it difficult to
express their love verbally. But this difficulty does not mean they do
not show their love in other ways. You just have to learn the ways
your partner shows you he cares. Just think of how good it will make
your partner feel to know you see how he expresses his love for you.
Every effort either of you make to be romantic and to show love
counts.
Make your
relationship a top priority in your life by keeping your full
attention on it. Relationships don't stay strong and happy because of
mere proximity. Instead, your relationship is happy because you care
enough to make it work.
