Shyness in
the bedroom is common for many people, in particular women. When it's
present the result is always the same-physically relating to another
person becomes difficult. If it isn't corrected early on, the
foundation of a relationship can weaken, leading to sexual
frustration, arguments, cheating or worse-a broken love affair.
By it's
very character, sexual shyness acts as a barrier that keeps two people
at a distance. However, it doesn't have to. There are ways to create
and build sexual closeness.
Behind the Scenes
Other than being unfamiliar with a new lover, there are two primary
reasons that cause someone to experience sexual shyness: 1. Lack of
skills or inexperience with lovemaking, and 2. A real or perceived bad
sexual experience. Regardless of the genesis, there are four simple
things that you can do to help elevate it:
Learn Where it Came from.
If you can uncover when you first began to have negative thoughts and
feelings toward intimate acts, you will be on the road to rebuilding
your sexual self-esteem.
A good way
to begin the process is to try a simple technique-make a list of all
the sexually-related experience that causes you angst. Next to each
incident, decide if the experience holds true today. For example,
although it upset you to be called flat-chested when you were
12-years-old, now as a fully-developed woman, the insult no longer
applies. With that, it's time to let go of the damaging belief tied to
the memory. The process of putting your thoughts into black and white
will help to each more real and manageable. As you do this, you will
begin to see a new confidence emerge.
Relaxation. The tenser you feel,
the more sexual shyness you'll experience. Prior to being intimate
with your partner, find ways to relax yourself: exercise, yoga, bubble
bath, a hot drink.
Skill Development. The more you
practice, the more confident you will be in the bedroom. Skill
development can come about in a number of ways: reading books that
instruct on sexual techniques, watching movies to learn how others do
"it," visualization (imaging yourself in a sexual situation) and, of
course, through actual practice with your partner.
Positive Self-Talk. Each time you
catch yourself feeling shy, pay attention to what you are thinking.
More than likely, it will be a negative thought that will exacerbate
shyness. Stop your thought immediately and replace it with a positive
statement that builds your sexual confidence.
