Stand by My Man?

Q: When I met (name eliminated) six years ago he was married (he still is). Today we share a four-year-old daughter. Out of the blue he disappeared and after two weeks of searching, I found out he was in jail. He didn't contact me because he wanted to let me know. I am a born again Christian and I believe people can change and deserve a second changed. He says he loves us and promises to help me out when he is released (Nov. 2004). Am I wrong for wanting to wait for him?

A: Love makes people do things that they regret later on. Wanting to wait for him is a natural thing--it's your love speaking. However, it's also an irrational thought.

Being in love, it's natural to make excuses or accept his excuses for his unacceptable behaviors. The hardest thing to do is to see him for who is--a cheater, liar, and disrespectful man with a criminal history.

If you keep him in your life, he will eventually treat you the way he currently treats his current wife--poorly with disrespect and an inability to honor his vows. If this is the behavior you desire in a partner, then by all means, stand by your man. If not-and hopefully not--close that door tight, head to church and find yourself an honorable man to respect you and raise your child in socially acceptable ways in which the two of you can be proud of.

by Nancy Fagan, M.S.


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